


Pitch myself off the Astronomy Tower [DISCONTINUED]

by DRXC0MXLF0Y



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: And it's most likely Ron, Crying, Hurt Draco Malfoy, Hurt/Comfort, I feel really bad for him OK, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, JK did him dirty, M/M, Protective Harry Potter, Ron Weasley truly hates Draco Malfoy, Sad Draco Malfoy, Slightly concerned Hermione Granger, Slow Burn, Soft Harry Potter, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, draco is HELLa redeemable, i can defend movie draco over book draco any day, movie draco was so much better alright, someone has to
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:54:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28368708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DRXC0MXLF0Y/pseuds/DRXC0MXLF0Y
Summary: This revolves around the idea of Draco really contemplating life itself while upon the Astronomy Tower.Thankfully, someone is there to help.Due to how nosy he can be.// So sorry about this, however, I just couldn't bring myself to finish this, I wasn't sure where I was going with it so- :(
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Kudos: 44





	1. 𝐃𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐨 𝐌𝐚𝐥𝐟𝐨𝐲

_"I think I’d pitch myself off the astronomy tower before I’d allow myself to continue for another two years."_

━ ♔ ━

Hands are clinging onto the bars that secure students from falling off the Astronomy Tower. 

Except for Draco Malfoy.

His intentions were clear. 

Ever since coming back to Hogwarts, Draco wasn't himself. He never wanted to carry out the deeds the Dark Lord ordered, but he plainly had no choice.

_He didn't want to die._

Maybe he did. Maybe he just didn't want to get killed by someone other than himself. It'd be a shame to be killed by the Dark Lord; showed how weak and pathetic he was. He'd rather do that himself much clearly. He quietly shoved those who cared away. Food slowly became bitter to him, he could now no longer enjoy the feasts Hogwarts had for every student in the Great Hall. His body was slowly shutting down on him. Sleep was a huge issue. Draco Malfoy would shamelessly cry himself to sleep if he wanted a few hours most. Other nights, he just couldn't bear to sleep a single second. 

Malfoy became thinner, dark circles appearing under his eyes. His light hair would become messy, his skin becoming paler, it was all becoming an unusual sight for anyone to see Malfoy unlike himself. He's grown more quieter, more distant. 

Most times when bumping into Harry Potter, Malfoy wouldn't ever dare to sneer at Potter like he used to. 

At most, Malfoy would simply mumble a silent apology and keep walking with his head lowered, not daring to look back. He felt Potter's eyes on him and he didn't dare to acknowledge it. The less attention he would get on himself, the more likely his plans will be carried out so easily. 

_Harry Potter._

That bloody git was always behind his tail. Malfoy could drop his book in the middle of a class and Potter would assume it's always something he's secretly up to. Perhaps if he dared to just slip into the loo for a break, it's always as if he was up to something no good. Malfoy knew better than to confront him about something full of shite. The urge to sneer at Potter was high, but it would always get caught up in his throat, unable to let it out the way he intended. He'd vomit before he could get the chance to. More like dry heave. Malfoy hasn't been eating properly. 

Now, who was the idiotic bloke?

_With less attention, more work can be done._

Malfoy's hues looked over the railings of the Astronomy Tower. The height didn't scare him, nor the pain of failing. It was merely the factor of death. He urged himself on to do this, for as long as he could remember. 

_He was going to die._

All because he was too afraid and weak. 

It was better if he did it himself. He didn't want to carry out any other order. He didn't want them to succeed. 

Yet again, he wasn't much help. He's aware of that.

With the breeze flowing onto Malfoy's face, he took a deep inhale, seconds following a shaky exhale escaped his lips. Tears threatened to fall as his brows furrowed together. Malfoy's don't cry. It shows weakness. Draco Malfoy was not _weak_.

Or so he thought.

This was for the best. 

Malfoy dug his nails into his Dark Mark, squeezing as hard as he could. 

A beat.

Now clawing at his mark, his breathing became uneven. He scratched and clawed at it with no remorse, he wanted it _gone_. He wanted to just be normal and _happy_. To follow his own destiny, make it his own. 

Draco Malfoy was sobbing. He needed to _breathe_.

Unbuttoning the first button of his dress shirt, he removed his tie and cotton vest. Felt as if some weight has been lifted as he could breathe just a bit better.

Clutching the railings once more, suddenly, he stopped. 

This was his solution to everything. He would finally be at peace. He didn't have to feel any more _guilt_ from his actions. 

Sinking to his knees, he attended to his vest and tie, neatly folding it into a pile next to the railings. Unsheathing his wand, he placed it on top of his clothing pile, like the cherry on top.

Now upon his feet, he stepped onto the other side of the railing. The side no student or anyone dared to be. 

Draco Malfoy sat on the railing until his heels were flat upon the small edge of the tower. Hands still grasped onto the railing for support. He didn't want to let go just yet, he wasn't entirely sure.

The cold breeze hit Malfoy's face once again, grey hues looking down below, soon where everyone would find his body. 

Slowly, his hands untightened around the rail. 


	2. 𝐇𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐲 𝐏𝐨𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫

"Malfoy- _wait_!"

Potter rushed up the steps to the Astronomy Tower, quickly making his way towards Malfoy. Without a second to waste, Potter pulled his wand out and aimed it straight for Malfoy.

" _Arresto Momentum_!"

He let out his breath that he didn't realize he was holding. Panic bubbled up in his chest, making its way towards his throat. He felt the sudden urge to throw up his dinner he had not too long ago. If it wasn't for Potter's curiosity of using the Marauders Map, Malfoy would've been a _goner_. He knew he had to act fast or else there would be death on campus.

Making sure Malfoy was now out of arm's length of the edge, Potter quickly ran towards him, engulfing him in a tight embrace. He pulled them both to the ground, making sure to lock his own hands for extra security, his wand now discarded. 

Malfoy thrashed against him, attempting to shake Potter off of him to continue where he left off. 

"Get off of me, you bloody git! Let go of me! I have to do this! You don't understand!" 

"Malfoy, please, listen to me-"

"Get your filthy hands off of me, Potter!"

"Malfoy, you listen to me right now!"

Malfoy eventually stopped thrashing, only to start sobbing uncontrollably. His shoulders began to shake along. Shaking his head, he repeated " _no_ " to himself, over and over. All his pleas began to fall on deaf ears as Potter attempted to brush Malfoy's hair away from his sweaty forehead. 

"You can't do this, Malfoy. It isn't worth it. Thank Merlin I even got here in time. If I wasn't, you'd-" There was an uncomfortable pause as Potter breathed out shakily. "Sorry."

They stayed like that, clinging to one another as Potter patiently waited for Malfoy's breathing to become more even and stable. 

Slowly, Potter pulled away from the blond as he placed his hands against Malfoy's cheeks, "Malfoy. Say something. Please?"

He saw how pained Malfoy's expression was. How his eyes were sealed shut, small whimpers escaping from his lips occasionally as he finally peeled his eyes open. Potter could finally take a look at those soft grey eyes that were glossy with tears. He looked so _tired_. Potter swore he could feel his stomach do a somersault while his chest tightened.

Malfoy placed his hands on Potter's wrist, slowly pulling his hands away as he didn't dare look into Potter's green eyes. 

"You should've let me be. Stop trying to play the bloody hero. You didn't have to save me like you always do. I'm sure this is what you wanted." Malfoy pulled himself away from Potter as he got up to his feet, knees buckling beneath him. He tugged on his sleeve, revealing his Dark Mark. Potter gasped aloud. "Bloody student of Hogwarts is a Death Eater. Thought you'd like to know before you knew who you were trying to save. Everyone would want a Death Eater _dead_." 

"No- Malfoy, we can fix this." A steady arm reached out towards a shaking body. Malfoy only took his steps back, more towards the edge. The spot where Potter wanted him far away from. 

"I'm doing everyone a bloody favor! Don't be ridiculous and save me. I'm not some damsel in distress. I don't need you and your _pity_." 

" _I'm not pitying you, Malfoy!"_ Potter grabbed a hold of the thin boy, slowly pressing his free palm against his Dark Mark. "No one deserves to die. Not even you. There's always a second chance. This isn't your solution. We can get help. _I_ can help you." His hand now reached for Malfoy's cheek once again, this time Malfoy leaned into his soft touch, a shaky exhale escaping his nostrils. 

"Salazar, Potter, you can't _help_ me. I'm a lost cause. This was the last resort. I've told you my big secret, aren't you just special?" 

Potter held himself back from planting a kiss upon his Dark Mark. Even the urge to just plant one upon his forehead. 

"I'm rather glad you told me, Malfoy. I promise I'll help you get through this."

A soft hum left Malfoy. "Have you got any Calming Draught on you?"

Potter shook his head. "No. But, we can get Madam Pomfrey to get you some. Is that alright?"

A nod of approval. 

They both walked out of the Astronomy Tower, fingers lightly brushing against one another. Potter had a bad itch to grab his hand and intertwine their fingers together but held himself back from doing so. 

Maybe. Just _maybe_ everything will be alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so sorry these chapters are short !!  
> it gets quite hard to focus on it, but thanks sm for reading !


	3. 𝐌𝐚𝐥𝐟𝐨𝐲 / 𝐏𝐨𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫

Harry Potter was a bloody _stalker_ , and if it wasn't for his old ways, he would've succeeded. 

Like his Father tells him, _everything happens for a reason._ Typically it was during times where he had to carry out the Dark Lords' orders. Every order and plan was for a reason. Malfoy never wanted to disappoint anyone, not even his Father. If he disappointed them, it had meant he was going to lose his own life. 

Maybe he didn't want to lose his life.

Maybe this did happen for a reason.

But, it gave no excuse for Potter to be his knight in shining armor. He never asked for help. Not even a second chance. He didn't need that. It meant that he was incapable. _Weak_. To prove everyone wrong, seemingly was impossible. To ever dare to _kill_ Dumbledore. A kid. A teenager. He was too young to do such a vile order. It was impossible. Almost as if it was planned for him to be unsuccessful and get punished for it. 

All he wanted was to play Quidditch. 

To be happy doing something he loved.

Now, it's come to this. 

Once again, saved by Harry Potter and his sodding love for almost everyone. 

Malfoy got a hold of the Calming Draught. His tired eyes bored a hole into the potion as he stared at it for a solid minute. His body trembled, unable to even blink as he choked back a sob. To bring himself to drink it was impossible. Every simple thing in his daily life was such a hassle. Eating, drinking, getting dressed, even getting up from bed was _impossible_. He had grown so _tired_ of doing everything, so tired of crying that he's gone quiet and having an apathetic behavior. Every sound from students yelling, from teachers giving their lectures, he couldn't even hear. It was silent. Pansy would always attempt to get Malfoy to do something, _anything;_ to no avail. A lost cause is what he was.

The tiny vile that contained a blue liquid was still in Malfoy's hand, coming nowhere near his lips to drink it.

"Malfoy, you have to drink it." Potter sat down next to Malfoy on the medical bed.

"I- I don't want it anymore."

Potter's hand reached over to the vile, taking it from Malfoy's trembling hand, and raised it to Malfoy's lips. 

"Come on, Malfoy. Don't be difficult."

Malfoy moved away from the potion. Childish, he knew, but he didn't want to be forcefully calm. 

"You asked for it, Malfoy. Please, take the sodding potion."

 _Everything happens for a reason_.

He took it from Potter, downing the potion in one gulp before wiping his lips with the back of his hand. Within seconds, Malfoy shot up to his feet, placing a hand over his lips, almost as if he was going to throw it up.

Potter's hand immediately grabbed his wrist from letting him run away.

"Stay."

"I'm not a bloody _dog_ , Potter. I-" 

All panic seized from Malfoy's expression, being replaced with a softened and more relaxed demeanor. His shoulders slumped and he gave a shaky exhale. The bed dipped as he sat back down slowly, hands resting on his knees. Spacing out is what he was now doing. His eyes fluttered as he looked over to Potter, expression more numb than ever.

Something twisted in Malfoy's gut when examining Potter's guilty look on his face. Had he always looked like that? 

"I have to go."

"Go?" A confused Potter spluttered out. "I can't just let you walk out on your own, Malfoy. You're a threat to yourself."

"I'm not going to _off myself_ if that's what you're imposing, Potter."

Malfoy took his chance to leave the Hospital Wing.

\- ☞ ✎ ☜ -

Harry could only watch Malfoy leave, unable to form any words that were scrambling his mind. He wanted to bark back, even plead for him to stay with him. But, he didn't dare. 

Harry sat at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall as breakfast rolled around. Green eyes scanned the entire hall, silently begging to find the platinum blond hair. No one stuck out. His food was untouched, mainly a fork just prodding his poor food around his plate. A small slap to his hand put him out of his trance.

"Harry, honestly, stop playing with your food. What has gotten into you?" Hermione continued to eat her own food delicately. Her eyes squinted towards Ron, eyebrows raising as she gave him a hard nudge to his ribs.

"Oof- yeah, mate. Hermione's right. You look like shite." Ron added with food in his mouth, a hand rubbing against the side Hermione nudged roughly. 

Harry finally got a forkful of eggs, placing them into his mouth with ease to cover up his guilt. The eggs tasted bland. He tried the bacon; it was still bland. It burned against his protesting stomach. "Sorry, guys. I haven't gotten a full night's rest, that's all."

"See? Just sleeping problems." Ron turned to Hermione. 

With a scoff, she continued to eat. She seemed to have bought it. Until the silence was broken again. 

"I heard that you were out late last night with someone-"

"Have you guys seen Malfoy anywhere today-"

Hermione and Harry spoke at the same time, causing the golden trio to sit in silence. No one moved an inch. Ron didn't either, except for the food he was chewing in his mouth.

"Bloody hell, mate. Malfoy? Don't tell me-" Ron mumbled out after swallowing the food. 

"It's not like that, guys. Look-" Potter started.

"It is like that, Harry. We don't need to hear you obsess over him again. I've seen how ill he's gotten. He hasn't even been talking to anyone. I don't think I've actually seen him in here, and if he _was_ , he doesn't touch his food." Hermione added, hoping it would end all questions Harry had. "It's best to just leave him alone."

"Second that, 'mione." Ron continued to eat. 

Another way of saying ' _this conversation is over._ '

Harry shifted in his seat, playing with his breakfast once again. "He's not okay." Soft sighs and groans echoed around Harry. "Really, I saw him up on the Astronomy Tower trying to-"

Hermione planted her hand upon Harry's, staring into his green eyes with determination. "Enough, Harry. Malfoy's _fine_. You know better than to stalk him like that."

Harry abruptly stood up, pulling away from Hermione. 

"No, you don't understand."

"I do understand-"

" _No_! You _don't_ , 'mione. I know how he's like. I know why he's been skipping out on eating and wants to be alone. You wouldn't understand because you haven't made an effort to really find out yourself." With a stumble, he makes his exit out of the Great Hall, ignoring the pleas from his friends back at the Gryffindor table.


End file.
